Summary of Collette Revere’s Interview with Dr. Wayne Wilson on Feedback Fix

​1. Introduction & Background

• Host: Collette Revere on Feedback Fix, a live, unscripted podcast about candid workplace conversations.
• Guest: Dr. Wayne Wilson, Senior Executive of Workforce & Leadership Development and founder of Pivot Services. He transitioned after 25 years in mental health and healthcare leadership to coach organizations externally on engagement, retention, and performance.

2. Theoretical Foundations

• Family Systems → Organizations: Wayne’s doctoral work applies family systems theory to corporate culture, exploring how individual dynamics mirror organizational behavior.
• Transactional Analysis: Every person has internal “Parent,” “Adult,” and “Child” states; effective workplace interactions respect and balance all three.
• Emotionally Focused Therapy: Originally for couples, this model emphasizes emotional connection over content—adapted by Wayne to build rapid rapport in corporate orientations.

3. The Power of Genuine Connection

• “People Don’t Leave Companies; They Leave Bosses.” Engaged employees stay when leaders invest a few minutes in honest, caring conversation.
• Modeling Over Mandates: Leaders learn connection skills by experiencing them firsthand (e.g., Wayne coaches execs to spend ten minutes one-on-one with employees rather than issuing directives).

4. Rethinking “Soft Skills”

• Lead vs. Lag Measures: Organizations focus on lagging KPIs (turnover, sales figures) but neglect the “lead” behaviors—listening, empathy, feedback—that drive those outcomes.
• Bridging Therapy & Business: Therapy trains deep relational skills; business education rarely does. Wayne’s work fills that gap.

5. Effective Feedback Principles

• Specificity: Point to concrete behaviors and data (“Seven customer complaints cited lack of eye contact”).
• Future Focus: Collaboratively design a clear plan for improvement.
• Alignment with Rewards: Tie behavioral change to incentives (raises, bonuses) so employees chase better performance.
• Empathy Precedes Change: People must feel cared for before they’ll act on feedback.

6. The PIVOT Framework

1. Pause – Stop and assess the current state.
2. Internalize – Reflect on feelings, needs, and motivations.
3. Vision – Define a compelling future goal.
4. Operate – Develop and execute a concrete plan.
5. Track – Measure progress, adjust, and maintain accountability.

7. Leadership Models: Command-and-Control vs. Trust-and-Inspire

• Command-and-Control drives short-term compliance through fear, stifles truth-telling, and erodes long-term engagement.
• Trust-and-Inspire builds psychological safety, invites bottom-up visioning (e.g., frontline teams co-designing how to hit profit targets), and fosters sustained performance.

8. Practical Takeaways

• Teach leaders to replicate empathetic coaching conversations.
• Redesign performance reviews into ongoing, data-driven dialogues.
• Involve employees in crafting strategic goals so they “own” the vision.
• Integrate emotional intelligence training into leadership development.

9. Contact & Next Steps

• LinkedIn: Dr. Wayne Wilson
• Email: [email protected]

Dr. Wilson’s approach shows that a few minutes of genuine connection, targeted feedback, and shared vision can transform organizational culture and drive exponentially better results.

Dan Allender’s The Deep-Rooted Marriage framework focuses on strengthening a couple’s bond by addressing hidden wounds, fostering genuine connection, and cultivating hope amid life’s hardships. At Elbow Tree Cooperative, this approach is adapted to meet the unique challenges faced by firefighters and first responders, including the chronic stress, trauma exposure, and unpredictable schedules of their professions.

1. Understanding the Impact of Trauma
   • Recognizes that firefighters and first responders often encounter high-intensity, traumatic experiences.
   • Emphasizes how stress can strain marriages by influencing communication, emotional availability, and trust.
2. Exploring Personal Narratives
   • Encourages couples to examine their personal stories—including childhood experiences and past wounds—to better understand patterns of conflict and disconnection.
   • Addresses how these deep narratives can shape responses to crises and everyday marital stressors.
3. Fostering Emotional Safety and Intimacy
   • Teaches practices that increase emotional safety, so partners feel more secure and open.
   • Emphasizes active listening, clear communication, and empathy to help couples navigate the fallout of high-stress jobs.
4. Reframing Conflict as Growth
   • Views marital conflict not as something to avoid but as an opportunity to strengthen understanding and trust.
   • Encourages couples to address conflict compassionately and honestly, rather than burying underlying issues.
5. Developing Resilience and Hope
   • Incorporates faith-informed or values-based perspectives that cultivate deeper purpose and meaning within marriage.
   • Provides strategies for self-care, grounding, and stress management, enabling couples to remain resilient amid ongoing professional demands.
6. Integrating Support and Community
   • Underscores the importance of connecting with supportive networks—through counseling at Elbow Tree Cooperative, peer groups, and community resources.
   • Validates the challenges of service-related work, reinforcing the idea that couples do not have to carry these burdens alone.

For firefighters and first responders, The Deep-Rooted Marriage aims to rebuild and sustain strong, healthy relationships by addressing core emotional needs, recognizing the impact of trauma, and instilling hope for the journey ahead. If you would like to devote some time and energy to cultivate a more deeply rooted marriage, our team at Elbow Tree Cooperative would love to support you in whatever ways would help foster that kind of important work. 

As a mental health counselor who frequently supports first responders, social workers, and medical examiners, I highly recommend Do Hard Things for its refreshing, research-based perspective on resilience and toughness. Steve Magness challenges the conventional “push through the pain” approach by exploring nuanced ways we can develop inner strength in high-stress environments—a topic especially relevant to those in frontline, crisis-driven fields.

One of the book’s core insights is that real toughness involves discernment, self-awareness, and compassion, rather than brute force or suppressing emotions. Magness demonstrates how the body’s cues—often dismissed in high-intensity careers—can actually guide us toward healthier coping mechanisms. This is particularly important for first responders and forensic professionals who regularly witness trauma; the resilience practices outlined in Do Hard Things emphasize identifying stress signals and utilizing evidence-based strategies (like mindful self-talk and boundary-setting) to maintain peak performance without sacrificing mental health.
​
Throughout the text, Magness weaves in stories and studies that highlight how resilience is more than just grit. He explains how supportive environments, vulnerability, and thoughtful recovery periods build authentic toughness. These principles resonate deeply with my clients in emergency services and public health, who routinely manage life-or-death situations. I especially appreciate how Magness references the importance of emotional regulation skills, helping readers understand that responding effectively under pressure requires both physical and psychological readiness.
In sum, Do Hard Things is a meaningful, science-driven resource that can empower first responders, social workers, and medical examiners to cultivate true resilience. By dispelling myths about mental fortitude, Magness offers a path toward sustainable strength that prioritizes wellbeing as much as professional performance.

Favorite Mic Drop Moments in the book:

• “True Confidence Is Quiet; Insecurity Is Loud”
• “Pretending to be confident can be effective to some degree . . . however, like any façade we create, it won’t last.”
• "In a recent study of over one thousand office workers, the strongest predictor of how well they dealt with the challenges of demanding work was whether they felt respected and valued by their managers. Their bosses simply showing they truly care led to increases in work engagement, loyalty, and resilience. Being a decent, caring human being is a performance and life enhancer.” 
  
• “The best performers tend to have a flexible and adaptive coping ability. They can bounce between different strategies, depending on the demands of the situation.”
  
  

For Further Reflection: 

1. Redefining “Toughness”: When you think about being “tough” in your job, how have you balanced pushing through challenges with acknowledging the stress and emotions that come with firefighting?
   
2. Listening to Internal Signals: In high-pressure moments, what signs—physical or mental—do you tend to overlook, and how might paying closer attention to them help you perform more effectively and recover more quickly?
   
3. Recovery and Self-Care: After responding to intense calls, what practical steps do you take to recharge and protect your well-being, and how could refining your recovery strategies boost your long-term resilience?
   

"Write hard and clear about what hurts.” –Earnest Hemingway

Have you ever considered keeping a journal? Whether you are highly experienced or have no experience at all with journaling, I'd like to recommend three resources for deepening your journaling experience. 
​

1. "Journal to the Self" by Kathleen Adams – A classic resource in the field of journal therapy, this book provides practical techniques and guided exercises that show how journaling can foster emotional well-being, self-discovery, and personal growth.
   
   
2. "Opening Up by Writing It Down" by James W. Pennebaker and Joshua M. Smyth – Grounded in scientific research, this book explains how expressive writing can improve mental health, reduce stress, and strengthen the immune system, offering readers evidence-based methods to make journaling a regular, healing practice.
   
   
3. "The Artist’s Way" by Julia Cameron – While often associated with creativity, Cameron’s program includes the practice of “Morning Pages,” a daily stream-of-consciousness journaling exercise. This approach helps clear mental clutter, reduce anxiety, and cultivate greater emotional resilience, making it a go-to guide for mental fitness through writing.

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron is often considered a guide for unlocking creativity, but its principles extend well beyond the artistic realm. For fire rescue personnel, who regularly face intense situations and high-stress environments, the practices outlined in the book can serve as valuable mental health tools:
​

1. Morning Pages for Emotional Processing:
   Cameron recommends writing three pages of free-flowing thoughts each morning. For first responders, this ritual provides a private, judgment-free outlet to express feelings, clear mental clutter, and release residual stress from traumatic calls. Over time, it can help reduce bottled-up tension and improve emotional resilience.
   
   
2. Mental Reset Between Calls:
   Fire rescue personnel often move rapidly from one high-intensity scenario to the next. Incorporating daily writing, as suggested by Cameron, can function like a “mind reset,” allowing individuals to process lingering worries or discomforts before fully engaging in the demands of the next shift.
   
   
3. Enhanced Problem-Solving and Adaptability:
   The book’s emphasis on tapping into one’s inner resources can lead to more flexible thinking and creative problem-solving. For those in fire rescue, this might translate into improved on-the-spot decision-making, adaptability under pressure, and innovative approaches to common challenges on the job.
   
   
4. Improved Work-Life Balance:
   By dedicating time to personal reflection, firefighters can maintain a stronger sense of self outside of their professional identity. This can reduce burnout, help establish boundaries, and reinforce a healthier balance between intense duty hours and personal life.
   
   

In essence, The Artist’s Way provides structured, yet open-ended strategies to manage stress, enhance personal clarity, and foster a more resilient mindset—benefits that can significantly support the emotional wellness and effectiveness of fire rescue personnel.

"The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write. To write is to embark on a journey whose final destination we do not know.." –Henri Houwen

Have you ever watched any of the Narnia films that came out in the early 2000’s?

​C.S. Lewis was a British author, scholar, and thinker best known for works like The Chronicles of Narnia. There are three main feature-length Narnia films in the series that began in the 2000's;

• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)
• The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)
• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)
  ​

J.R.R. Tolkien: The author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, Tolkien was a close friend and intellectual sparring partner. His discussions with Lewis on myth, faith, and storytelling played a significant role in Lewis’s spiritual journey and in both men’s creative processes.

The Chronicles of Narnia, created by author C.S. Lewis, depict a series of adventures set in a magical world that children from our own reality enter through unexpected portals, such as a wardrobe. Once there, these young travelers find themselves fighting alongside talking animals and mythical creatures under the guidance of the great lion, Aslan—a symbol of leadership, integrity, and sacrifice.
​
For firefighters, think of Narnia as a dynamic incident scene, constantly shifting conditions that demand courage, unity, and quick decision-making. The main challenges aren’t burning buildings, but moral conflicts, battles between good and evil, and the spread of fear and oppression—much like a fire spreading through structures if unchecked. Instead of hoses and axes, the children and their allies wield swords, bows, and personal resilience. The White Witch is the primary source of chaos and cold tyranny; taking her on is akin to containing the seat of a blaze before it engulfs the entire landscape.

Aslan’s presence is much like a chief arriving on scene with both wisdom and compassion, guiding everyone toward the right course of action. Just as firefighters must trust their training and each other to get through dire scenarios, the heroes in Narnia rely on loyalty, faith, and teamwork. Each book in the series focuses on different crews of children and creatures tackling big challenges that threaten Narnia’s safety and stability. The result is a timeless narrative about responsibility, heroism, and the triumph of courage over despair—values any team of first responders can appreciate.
​
C.S. wrote two books on human suffering…(1) The Problem of Pain and (2) A Grief Observed

Ultimately, The Problem of Pain doesn’t deny the raw cruelty and mystery of suffering but aims to offer a framework in which pain, far from being pointless cruelty, can become part of a meaningful—and ultimately hopeful—narrative of growth and redemption. The Problem of Pain is an outsiders perspective.
Four key areas of focus in The Problem of Pain;
(1) The Nature of a Good God
(2) Free Will and Human Responsibility
(3) Pain as a “Megaphone
(4) Redemptive Suffering

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis is a deeply personal journal of loss, where Lewis grapples openly with the emotional and spiritual aftermath of his wife’s death. It is an insider’s perspective.

Instead of a neat set of answers, it’s more like sitting alongside someone at the scene of a devastating incident—where no easy fix exists, and the wreckage isn’t made of broken timbers or scorched walls, but of a shattered heart and shaken faith.

For firefighters, think of this book as exploring the emotional wreckage following a catastrophic call. After the flames are out, the aftermath might be full of questions, doubts, and feelings we can’t simply wash away with the hose. A Grief Observed shows that intense sorrow and confusion are normal human responses when something—someone—irreplaceable is lost. Lewis doesn’t preach at you; rather, he shares his own vulnerable struggle to find stability when the familiar frameworks of faith and understanding feel burned to the ground.

In the same way a crew might rely on each other after a tough call, Lewis’s words remind us that it’s okay to question what we thought we knew, lean on the support of others, and gradually rebuild trust—both in ourselves and in whatever we hold sacred. The book ultimately suggests that facing our deepest pain honestly and without shame can help us move forward, stronger and more compassionate, as we return to serve and protect.

Lucy Hone, a psychologist and expert in resilience and grief, offers practical strategies for navigating grief, especially during emotionally charged times like the holidays. Here are some of her key recommendations:

1. Acknowledge That Suffering Is Part of Life
   
   • Acceptance of Universal Suffering: Recognize that experiencing pain and loss is a common human experience. This understanding can alleviate feelings of isolation.
2. Choose Where You Focus Your Attention
   
   • Mindful Attention: Deliberately direct your focus toward aspects of life that offer comfort or gratitude, without denying your grief.
   • Positive Reframing: Identify positive moments or memories that can coexist with your feelings of loss.
3. Ask Yourself if Your Actions Are Helping or Harming You
   
   • Self-Reflection: Regularly assess whether your thoughts and behaviors are contributing to healing or exacerbating your pain.
   • Adaptive Coping Strategies: Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with supportive people.
4. Be Compassionate with Yourself
   
   • Self-Kindness: Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions without self-judgment. Understand that grief doesn't follow a linear path.
   • Set Realistic Expectations: Recognize that it's okay if you don't feel joyful during the holidays and adjust your expectations accordingly.
5. Maintain Connections with Others
   
   • Social Support: Reach out to trusted friends and family members who can offer comfort and understanding.
   • Communicate Your Needs: Let others know how they can support you, whether it's through listening, companionship, or giving you space.
6. Create Meaningful Rituals
   
   • Honoring Memories: Develop new traditions that pay tribute to your loved one, such as lighting a candle, sharing stories, or volunteering.
   • Personalized Celebrations: Adapt holiday activities in ways that feel appropriate and healing for you.
7. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-Care
   
   • Mindful Participation: Choose which holiday events to attend based on what feels manageable.
   • Rest and Relaxation: Ensure you're taking time for rest, whether that's through adequate sleep, meditation, or quiet reflection.
8. Focus on What You Can Control
   
   • Empowerment: Identify aspects of the holidays that you can influence, such as how you spend your time or whom you spend it with.
   • Letting Go: Acknowledge factors beyond your control and give yourself permission not to dwell on them.
9. Seek Professional Support if Needed
   
   • Therapeutic Assistance: Consider reaching out to a grief counselor or joining a support group for additional guidance and empathy.
   • Resource Utilization: Access books, talks, or workshops on resilience and coping with grief.
10. Practice Gratitude Where Possible
    
    • Gratitude Exercises: While it may be challenging, finding small things to be grateful for can provide moments of relief and shift your perspective slightly.

By integrating these strategies, you can navigate the holiday season with greater resilience and self-compassion. Lucy Hone emphasizes that while grief is profound, adopting intentional coping mechanisms can aid in the healing journey.

You've probably heard the phrase, "hurt people, hurt people" but what does the phrase "healing people, heal people" really mean? People who are dedicated to and take full ownership of own their own healing journey can become even sharper healing instruments in their caregiving roles. Conversely, people who neglect or abandon their own healing and wholeness while remaining in active caregiving roles eventually do harm to themselves and quite possibly to those who they seek to serve and care for. 
​
Thank goodness you are able to take definitive action and schedule an appointment with Elbow Tree! (Shameless plug for you to call 904.877.4750 to get scheduled with an Elbow Tree Co-Op counselor). 

Regular mental health counseling can have a profoundly positive impact on employees working in Health and Human Services (HHS). Given the demanding nature of their roles, which often involve high-stress situations and exposure to challenging human conditions, counseling offers numerous benefits:

1. Stress Reduction and Burnout Prevention: HHS employees frequently deal with heavy workloads, tight deadlines, and emotionally charged environments. Counseling provides tools and strategies to manage stress effectively, reducing the risk of burnout and improving overall job satisfaction.
2. Emotional Resilience: Regular counseling helps employees build resilience by teaching coping mechanisms to handle emotional challenges. This resilience enables them to remain effective in their roles while maintaining personal well-being.
3. Improved Mental Health: Access to mental health services allows employees to address issues like anxiety, depression, or secondary traumatic stress early on. Proactive management of mental health leads to better long-term outcomes both personally and professionally.
4. Enhanced Communication Skills: Counseling often involves developing better communication and interpersonal skills. These improvements can lead to more effective teamwork and better interactions with clients and colleagues.
5. Increased Empathy and Compassion: By processing their own emotions and experiences, employees can develop greater empathy toward others. This heightened understanding enhances the quality of care provided to clients.
6. Better Work-Life Balance: Counselors can assist employees in setting healthy boundaries between work and personal life. Achieving this balance reduces stress and contributes to overall life satisfaction.
7. Strengthened Problem-Solving Abilities: Mental health professionals can help employees develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills, which are essential for navigating complex situations common in HHS roles.
8. Supportive Work Environment: Offering regular counseling signals that the organization values employee well-being. This can foster a supportive culture where staff feel valued and are more likely to engage positively with their work.
9. Reduced Absenteeism and Turnover: Employees who receive mental health support are less likely to take sick leave or leave the organization. This stability benefits both the employees and the organization through sustained productivity and reduced hiring costs.
10. Enhanced Client Outcomes: When employees are mentally healthy and engaged, they are better equipped to provide high-quality services. This leads to improved outcomes for the clients and communities they serve.
11. Promotion of Self-Care Practices: Counseling encourages the adoption of self-care routines, such as mindfulness, exercise, and adequate rest. These practices contribute to sustained mental and physical health.
12. Normalization of Seeking Help: Regular counseling helps destigmatize mental health care within the organization. When employees see that seeking help is supported and normalized, they are more likely to utilize these resources.

Implementing regular mental health counseling is an investment in the workforce that can lead to a healthier, more productive, and more compassionate organization. It supports employees in managing the unique challenges of their roles, ultimately enhancing the effectiveness of Health and Human Services as a whole.

Based on "Resilient Grieving" by Lucy Hone and "A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser
​
Grief is a profound and multifaceted emotion that doesn't adhere to a set timeline, often resurfacing with renewed intensity around significant dates. As the anniversary of a loved one's passing approaches, it's common to experience a complex blend of emotions—from deep sorrow and longing to cherished memories and even moments of peace. This milestone can serve as both a painful reminder of the loss and a testament to the enduring impact the person had on one's life. Acknowledging these feelings is an essential part of the healing journey, providing an opportunity to honor the memory of the departed while also reflecting on personal growth and the ways in which their legacy continues to shape the present. 

​As you find yourself approaching the anniversary date of specific loss in your life, do not hesitate to reach out to us at Elbow Tree. We would love to help you navigate any unattended heartache you are carrying around. Call us at 904.877.4750 and we will help you get connected with an Elbow Tree team member.  

Grief Resilience Assessment Tool (GRAT 1.0) - Part One
Method: Personal Reflection and Contemplation

This assessment tool is designed for folks who are navigating the complex journey of grief. Integrating the insights and principles from Lucy Hone's "Resilient Grieving" and Jerry Sittser's "A Grace Disguised," this tool aims to:

• Assess the your current coping mechanisms and resilience levels.
• Identify areas where the you may need additional support or intervention.
• Facilitate meaningful conversations about loss, resilience, and personal growth.
• Incorporate both psychological strategies and, if appropriate, spiritual perspectives on grief

Section 1: Understanding the Nature of Grief
Purpose: To gauge your perception of your grief and how it affects your daily life.

1. Grief Awareness
   • How would you describe your grief experience since your loss?
   • What emotions have been most prominent for you?
   • Are there specific triggers that intensify your grief?
2. Acceptance of Emotions
   • Do you feel comfortable expressing your emotions related to your loss?
   • Have you found yourself suppressing or avoiding certain feelings? If so, which ones?
3. Impact on Daily Functioning
   • How has your grief affected your daily routines and responsibilities?
   • Have you noticed changes in your sleep patterns, appetite, or energy levels?

Section 2: Resilience and Coping Strategies
Purpose: To assess your resilience levels and coping mechanisms, both positive and negative.

1. Adaptive Coping
   • What strategies have you found helpful in managing your grief?
   • Can you share instances where you felt a sense of control or agency in your healing process?
2. Maladaptive Coping
   • Are there any habits or behaviors you've adopted that you feel may not be helpful or could be harmful?
   • Have you experienced any substance use, social withdrawal, or other behaviors that concern you?
3. Resilience Factors
   • Reflecting on past challenges, what qualities or resources helped you overcome them?
   • How might those same qualities assist you now?

Section 3: Meaning-Making and Personal Growth
Purpose: To explore how the you are processing your loss and whether you can find meaning or opportunities for growth.

1. Search for Meaning
   • Have you found yourself searching for a reason or meaning behind your loss?
   • How has this search impacted your grieving process?
2. Narrative Reconstruction
   • Can you describe how your life story has changed since the loss?
   • In what ways have your perspectives on life, priorities, or values shifted?
3. Personal Growth
   • Have you noticed any areas where you've grown personally since your loss?
   • What strengths have emerged or been reinforced during this time?

Section 4: Support Systems and Relationships
Purpose: To evaluate your support network and the quality of your relationships during the grieving process.

1. Social Support
   • Who have been your main sources of support?
   • How satisfied are you with the support you've received from friends and family?
2. Communication
   • Do you feel comfortable talking about your grief with others?
   • Are there people with whom you wish you could communicate more openly?
3. Community Involvement
   • Have you participated in any group activities, support groups, or community events since your loss?
   • How have these experiences affected you?

Section 5: Spiritual and Existential Reflections
Purpose: To understand your spiritual beliefs and how these may influence your grieving process. 

1. Faith and Beliefs
   • Has your faith or spiritual beliefs influenced how you cope with your loss?
   • Have you experienced any changes in your beliefs since your loss?
2. Spiritual Practices
   • Are there spiritual or religious practices that bring you comfort?
   • How often do you engage in these practices?
3. Existential Questions
   • Have you found yourself contemplating life's big questions, such as the nature of suffering or the meaning of life and death?
   • How have these reflections impacted you?

Section 6: Setting Goals for Healing
​Purpose: To collaboratively establish goals and identify steps you can take toward healing and resilience.

1. Identifying Needs
   • What do you feel you need most at this point in your grieving process?
   • Are there specific areas where you'd like support or guidance?
2. Short-Term Goals
   • What are some realistic goals you can set for yourself in the next few weeks?
   • How can you implement strategies to achieve these goals?
3. Long-Term Vision
   • Envisioning the future, what does healing look like to you?
   • What steps can we plan together to help you move toward that vision?

Grief Resilience Assessment Tool (GRAT 1.0) - Part Two
Method: Rating Scale

Introduction
​Grieving is a deeply personal journey that varies greatly from one individual to another. This assessment tool is designed to help you reflect on your resilience in the face of grief. Drawing from the wisdom of renowned authors who have explored the depths of loss and healing, this tool aims to provide insights into your coping mechanisms and identify areas where you might benefit from additional support or self-care.

​Please note: This assessment is for personal reflection only and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Instructions

• Read each statement carefully.
• Rate how much you agree with each statement based on your current feelings or behaviors.
• Use the following scale:
  • 1 – Strongly Disagree
  • 2 – Disagree
  • 3 – Neutral
  • 4 – Agree
  • 5 – Strongly Agree

Assessment Statements

Section 1: Acceptance and Understanding of Grief

1. I acknowledge that grief is a natural and necessary process.
2. I accept that my feelings of grief are valid and normal.
3. I understand that grieving is a unique journey for each person.
4. I allow myself to feel a full range of emotions without judgment.
5. I recognize that questioning my beliefs during grief is part of healing.

Section 2: Finding Meaning and Transformation

1. I believe that suffering can lead to personal growth.
2. I search for meaning or lessons within my loss.
3. I am open to allowing grief to transform me positively.
4. I find ways to honor and remember my loved one.
5. I see my grief as an opportunity to deepen my compassion for others.

Section 3: Focusing on What Can Be Changed

1. I focus on aspects of my life that I can control.
2. I practice gratitude for the positives in my life.
3. I set realistic goals to aid my healing process.
4. I engage in activities that promote my well-being.
5. I find strength in overcoming daily challenges.

Section 4: Connection and Support

1. I reach out to others when I need support.
2. I maintain connections with friends and family.
3. I share my feelings with trusted individuals.
4. I participate in community or group activities.
5. I feel supported by those around me.

Section 5: Navigating Transitions

1. I understand that life involves endings and new beginnings.
2. I allow myself time to adjust during periods of change.
3. I embrace uncertainty as part of life's journey.
4. I am open to new experiences following my loss.
5. I view transitional periods as opportunities for growth.

Scoring

1. Add up your scores for each section.
2. The maximum score for each section is 25 (if you rated all statements as 5).

Interpretation

• 21–25: High resilience in this area.
• 16–20: Moderate resilience; some areas may need attention.
• 11–15: Low resilience; consider exploring ways to strengthen this aspect.
• 5–10: Very low resilience; seeking support might be beneficial.

Remember: This assessment is a starting point for reflection. Grief is complex, and resilience can fluctuate over time. High or low scores are not judgments but insights to help you understand where you are in your journey.

Next Steps

• Reflect on your scores: Which areas are you strongest in? Where might you need additional support?
• Consider reading: Revisit the books mentioned for deeper insights into areas where you scored lower.
• Seek support if needed: Don't hesitate to reach out to mental health professionals, support groups, or trusted individuals.

Your journey through grief is uniquely yours, and it's okay to seek help along the way.

Disclaimer: This tool is for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult a qualified professional for medical or psychological concerns.

BOOKS ON GRIEF:
Here are ten influential and widely acclaimed books on grief that many readers have found helpful:

1. "On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss" by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler 
   Explores the five stages of grief and provides insights into the emotional journey after loss.
2. "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion
   A memoir detailing the author's experience coping with the sudden death of her husband.
3. "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis
   A deeply personal account of the author's bereavement following the death of his wife.
4. "Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy" by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
   Sheryl Sandberg shares her journey after the unexpected death of her husband, offering practical advice on resilience.
5. "When Breath Becomes Air" by Paul Kalanithi
   A memoir by a neurosurgeon diagnosed with terminal cancer, reflecting on life, death, and what makes life meaningful.
6. "It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand" by Megan Devine
   Challenges societal norms about grief and offers compassionate guidance for those navigating loss.
7. "Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief" by Martha Whitmore Hickman
   Provides daily meditations to support and comfort those who are grieving.
8. "The Grief Recovery Handbook" by John W. James and Russell Friedman
   Offers actionable steps for moving beyond loss and addressing unresolved grief.
9. "Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail" by Cheryl Strayed
   A memoir about healing from personal tragedy through a transformative solo hike.
10. "Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life After a Loss That Changes Everything" by Lucy Hone
    Provides strategies for building resilience and finding meaning after significant loss.

These books cover a range of perspectives and experiences with grief, offering insights, comfort, and practical advice to help readers navigate their own journeys through loss. 

Approaching someone about their mental well-being, especially concerning suicidal thoughts, can be an emotionally challenging task. One primary reason it's difficult is the fear of saying the wrong thing and potentially making the situation worse. People often worry that bringing up the topic of suicide might introduce the idea or exacerbate the person's distress, even though research shows that open conversations can provide relief and are a crucial step in prevention.

Another obstacle is the stigma surrounding mental health and suicide. Societal taboos and misconceptions can make individuals hesitant to discuss such sensitive topics openly. They may fear judgment, rejection, or damaging the relationship. This discomfort can lead to avoidance, leaving the person who is struggling feeling more isolated and less likely to seek help on their own.

Lastly, personal emotional barriers play a significant role. Confronting the possibility that someone you care about is experiencing suicidal thoughts can be overwhelming. It may trigger feelings of fear, guilt, or denial. Additionally, not knowing how to handle the conversation or the potential outcomes—such as the person becoming upset or disclosing thoughts of self-harm—can make it daunting to initiate the dialogue without proper guidance or resources.

Specific Risk Factors to Look For When a Firefighter Is at Risk
Firefighters face unique occupational hazards that can increase their risk for mental health challenges, including suicidal ideation. One significant risk factor is repeated exposure to traumatic events. Regular encounters with fires, accidents, and fatalities can lead to cumulative stress or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Signs of PTSD—such as intrusive memories, heightened anxiety, or emotional numbness—can contribute to feelings of hopelessness if not addressed.

Another risk factor is the high-stress work environment coupled with a culture that may discourage expressing vulnerability. The expectation to remain strong and composed can make it difficult for firefighters to acknowledge their struggles or seek help. This internalization of stress can lead to isolation, depression, or unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance misuse.
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Additionally, work-related stressors such as irregular shifts, sleep deprivation, and physical exhaustion can exacerbate mental health issues. Personal life stressors—including relationship difficulties, financial problems, or lack of social support—can further compound these challenges. Observable signs like withdrawal from colleagues, decreased job performance, changes in mood or behavior, and expressing feelings of being a burden are critical indicators that a firefighter may be at increased risk and in need of support.

If you suspect that someone is experiencing suicidal ideation, it's important to approach the situation with care, compassion, and urgency. Here's what you can do:
1. Reach Out and Communicate

• Choose the Right Moment:
  • Find a private, comfortable setting where you won't be interrupted.
  • Ensure the timing is appropriate and the person is in a receptive state.
• Express Your Concern:
  • Use open-ended questions and "I" statements.
  • Example: "I've noticed you've seemed really down lately, and I'm worried about you."
• Ask Directly About Suicidal Thoughts:
  • Don't be afraid to use the word "suicide."
  • Example: "Are you thinking about hurting yourself?" or "Have you thought about suicide?"
  • Note: Research shows that asking does not increase the risk and can provide relief.

2. Listen Non-Judgmentally

• Be Present:
  • Give your full attention without interrupting.
  • Show empathy and understanding.
• Validate Their Feelings:
  • Acknowledge their pain without minimizing it.
  • Example: "That sounds really tough. I'm sorry you're feeling this way."
• Avoid Judgmental Language:
  • Don't criticize or blame them for how they're feeling.
  • Steer clear of phrases like "You shouldn't feel that way" or "Others have it worse."

3. Assess the Immediate Risk

• Determine the Severity:
  • Ask if they have a specific plan or means to harm themselves.
  • Example: "Do you have a plan for how you would do it?"
• Look for Warning Signs:
  • Expressions of hopelessness or being a burden.
  • Withdrawal from friends and activities.
  • Changes in mood or behavior.
• Immediate Danger:
  • If they have a plan and the means, consider it an emergency.
  • Do not leave them alone.

4. Encourage Professional Help

• Suggest Seeking Support:
  • Encourage them to talk to a mental health professional or counselor.
  • Offer to help them find resources or accompany them.
• Provide Information:
  • Share contacts for local mental health services or crisis helplines.
  • Note: Avoid overwhelming them with too much information at once.

5. Offer Ongoing Support

• Stay Connected:
  • Check in regularly to see how they're doing.
  • Continue to be a source of support and encouragement.
• Respect Their Privacy:
  • Keep conversations confidential unless there's an immediate risk.
• Involve Trusted Individuals (With Permission):
  • Encourage them to reach out to family or close friends.
  • If appropriate, offer to help initiate those conversations.

6. Take Care of Yourself

• Seek Guidance:
  Consider speaking with a mental health professional yourself for advice on supporting them.
• Set Boundaries:
  • Recognize your limits; you're there to support, not to fix everything.
• Practice Self-Care:
  • Ensure you're also attending to your own emotional well-being.

7. Emergency Action (If Necessary)

• Contact Emergency Services:
  • If they are in immediate danger or have harmed themselves, call emergency services right away.
• Stay With Them Until Help Arrives:
  • Keep them safe and stay calm.
• Remove Potential Means:
  • If possible and safe to do so, remove any objects that could be used for self-harm.

Additional Tips

• Educate Yourself:
  • Learn about the signs of depression and suicidal behavior.
  • Understand that suicidal thoughts are a sign of extreme distress, not a character flaw.
• Avoid Certain Phrases:
  • Don't say things like "You're just being dramatic" or "Suicide is selfish."
• Be Patient:
  • Healing takes time, and their willingness to seek help may not be immediate.

Remember: Your compassion and willingness to engage can make a significant difference. Encouraging them to seek professional help is crucial, as trained mental health professionals can provide the specialized support they need.

Important: If you believe someone is in immediate danger, do not hesitate to contact emergency services or reach out to a mental health professional for guidance on how to proceed.