You Are Enough

Photo by Felicia Buitenwerf on Unsplash

“What if you are enough as you are right now?”   

Several months ago, my therapist asked me this question during one of our sessions. (I burst into tears.)  Since that moment, I have been returning to and reflecting on this idea of being enough as I already am.  How is it possible to be enough, yet still not have all the answers?
 
A little background: I am highly sensitive.  I remember always being this way.  This trait comes in handy because I am able to read a room and feel another person’s feelings.  When I see another person hurting I hurt.  I also feel another person's excitement and fully feel their joy. My husband tells me that my energy is contagious, and when I am full of positive energy, I can bring the party! 
 
Being highly sensitive has its pitfalls too.  Sometimes I miss a joke, read too much into a comment, get my feelings hurt, or in a moment of anger, lose the ability to problem-solve.  Sometimes I focus so much on how I’m hurt that I miss the opportunity to see the possibilities, take risks, and identify solutions.  
 
I go to therapy to help me stay on the solution-oriented, growth mindset track.  Going to therapy doesn't mean I’m not enough.  In fact, when I realize I am enough, my mind opens to all possibilities, including utilizing therapy! I realize I CAN solve the problem in front of me.  I DO have the tools to work through issues in my job, with my spouse, with my sons, friends, etc.  If I don’t know something, I have the ability to ASK FOR HELP.  All the resources are within me and around me.  I just have to access the right one. Going to therapy helps me stay in this mindset, and return to it when needed. 
 
I wasn’t always able to do this, especially as a teenager and young adult. Does this resonate with you about your son or daughter?  Here are some questions to pose to your son or daughter: 

• Do you ever feel like you can’t solve the problem in front of you?  

 

• Do you become overwhelmed by all the tasks you have to accomplish or by deadlines quickly approaching?

 

• Do you habitually miss appointments, double book, or not meet deadlines?  

 

• Do you ever ask yourself why others seem to accomplish tasks, perform better on assessments, or arrive on time, while you struggle to finish just one task in front of you?

 

• Do you feel like you are in a cycle of defeat, and if you could unlock the secret “code” other classmates or peers seem to know, your life would be easier? 

 
I have been there.  I understand.  For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me.  I believed I was not intelligent, or good enough. So where did I turn? 
 
1. Connection and Validation
For me, connection is key. Connecting with others who understand, and admitting my fears and worries to a person I trust is crucial when moving towards solutions.  A trusted person who validates my feelings also helps me process them in a healthy way.  This process helps change my negative self-talk to solution- oriented talk. Sometimes this person is my therapist. Other times, it’s my best friend. 
 
2. Develop a Solution Toolkit
A toolkit is made up of resources we access when we need support with a specific issue.  Sometimes it may be one of the following:

• Therapist for mental health and relationship counseling
• Life coach

• Health coach or physical fitness trainer
• Academic tutor for a specific subject in which you need extra help
• Primary care physician 
• Sunday Funday (or something similar) to reconnect with our family and close friends
• Exercise regimen to work out excess energy and anger
• Calming nightly routine- bath, lavender, turning off electronics and screens to reflect
• Gratitude List- Keep a notebook to list people, places, experiences for which we are grateful or did well each day.
• Educational Therapy for executive functioning and learning strategies support

 
3. Educational Therapy and Growth Mindset
If you believe your son or daughter might benefit from extra support in building a solutions-oriented mindset, please reach out.  We focus on:

• Developing a safe emotional space to share academic struggles 
• Identifying barriers to success
• Building capacity for a growth (solutions, possibilities) mindset
• Identifying current priorities based on current behaviors/actions vs. desired priorities (changing behaviors/actions)
• Goal Development- Long and Short Term
• Building daily and weekly routines which align goals to priorities

 
Remember, you are enough. Asking for help is just part of your toolkit!

The bulk of Brittany's career has been spent working with students with learning disabilities, including Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Dyscalculia, Executive Functioning Issues and Processing Disorders, as well as children with ADHD- Inattentive, Hyperactive, and Combined.  Brittany's passion is collaborating with and empowering diverse learners through a caring and evidence-based approach. Please reach out!